| homophobia & you. |
[06 Sep 2005|12:08pm] |
Gay is a three letter word
just like 'you' and 'mee' when it is misspelled.
Homophobia and You:
I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.
I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.
I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.
We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.
I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
I am the woman who died when the EMTs stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn’t have to always deal with society hating me.
I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.
I am the person who is afraid of telling his loving Christian parents he loves another male.
Homophobia is a problem in the United States of America, as it is across the entire world. Do your part by understanding.
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| eegadz brain |
[06 Sep 2005|10:27am] |
0NLY 4 CH14R4 :D
List seven of your favorite songs of the moment in your journal and force seven other people to repeat this process or a puppy somewhere in the world will DIE:
01: 'Woman King' - Iron & Wine
02: 'Welcome Home' - Coheed & Cambria
03: 'Third Eye (Live)' - Tool
04: 'Bukowski' - Modest Mouse
05: entire Candyass album - Orgy
06: 'High and Dry' - Radiohead (i just really like the very first guitar riff :D)
07: 'Child Prey' - Dir En Grey
and i don't have 7 friends so i can't tag anyone else. :D
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| my paper heart will bleed |
[09 Jul 2005|06:47pm] |
i feel emo, or something. like everything is wrong, when nothing is.
CPL is a great place to be, sometimes. lots of good things, lots of bad things. it's a mixture. every Pro has its Con. eh well.
just tired of life, in general. tired of having to worry about things, and things crushing my mind. i feel alone entirely, like no one else in my life gives a shit. i don't think they do. no one is thinking about me right now. no one wants to talk to me, just to talk to me. i'm completely alone. it's not a feeling any more.. it's reality. i can't handle independence. it doesn't work for me. i need people, and i need to know i'm wanted. it just doesn't happen that way. without sounding terribly emo, why am i here?
maybe if i trudge along, it'll be okay. i'll become a famous photographer, and my past will be gone. i can only pray for that.
not that praying works. it does do some crazy things, but when i need him the most, where is he? physical health and mental health are two different things. i'm blessed with a lot, and God gets me out of some scary situations. he always has. but when i'm breaking down like this, i can't help but feel that i'm lost entirely. he's not there. has he ever been?
i picked out your star. turned night to day. a simple whisper from your voice, and i fade away. you wish for love. you pushed me away. your love for me was everything; i need the air i breathe.
anyway. i have a lot to ponder about. might as well get to pondering.
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[15 Jun 2005|11:11pm] |
snap back to reality
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| inspiration |
[12 May 2005|05:28pm] |
inspiration to skateboard
inspiration to go for your dreams
inspiration to continue photography
inspiration to begin photography (i hope..)
it's Inspiration..
period.
if you like that, you should check out my gallery :D
www.dreamsarelikemovies.deviantart.com/gallery/
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[19 Apr 2005|02:27am] |
chemicalxsilence: wtf u r a whre+0
KJBurdett: wjhgb1!!!
KJBurdett: UR MAWM IZ.
chemicalxsilence: NO U
KJBurdett: NO U TIMES FYVE.
chemicalxsilence: U TIMES SCHFIFTY FIVE
KJBurdett: NO, NOT SCHFIFTY-FIVE!
chemicalxsilence: YEZ
KJBurdett: OMGLOLZIMDEAD.
chemicalxsilence: HAHAHAHAHAIWIN
KJBurdett: yousuckithinkillgocryinmycorner:'(
chemicalxsilence: canicome?:-(
KJBurdett: it'sNOTEMOifyoucomeSTUPIDHEAD!
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[17 Apr 2005|12:24am] |
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don't deny me
no baby no
don't deny me
and darling, don't be afraid
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[13 Apr 2005|05:08pm] |
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| bluh |
[13 Apr 2005|04:19pm] |
it wouldn't be so bad if she didn't talk about ethan constantly. jesus.
i mean, i'm trying to be okay with it. i'm her friend, and all. i don't really care if we get together or not, any more. but why does she have to be obsessed with a person that already has a life better than mine? i don't understand. why can't i just be happy with things. people are so aggrivating.
i'm moving, and i'm getting rid of the internet. at least, instant messengers and whatnot. i might update this, but i'll never contact anyone i know right now. i'll only come back to see my family, and only every month or two for a while, then only for a while every summer, and only holidays.
i can't wait.
peace, nagga.
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| mockingbird |
[12 Apr 2005|08:04pm] |
i've opened up to a lot of music. i've been listening to some "rap", i guess. i like the beats, and i feel like holding myself away from all kinds of music is really narrow-minded. something i don't want to be.
anyway, i recommend "Mockingbird" by Eminem. it's not about pimp's and ho's. it's about a little girl, and her life without a stable family, and.. yeah, it's good.
no one really reads this, but one day i'll come back to. i've already gone through them a few times. eventually, i'll come back and be surprised by how much i've changed. i feel mature.
life without stress is a good thing. the world isn't stress.. it's the things we do in it that cause stress. class, college.. it'll happen. if i freak out about it, i'll just have a harder time. i just have to accept it, and take it as it comes.
i just killed an ant.. and while i sat there and watched it writhing in pain from the Raid.. i couldn't help but feel sorry for it. here i was, watching it burn alive. Jesus.. how could i do that. it might not be human, but it feels pain, and it felt the poison burning it away.
i almost cried, over an ant. wtf.?
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[12 Apr 2005|12:56pm] |
out, out! brief candle..
life is but a walking shadow.. a poor player
that struts and frets his hour upon the stage..
and then, is heard no more.
it is a tale, told by an idiot
full of sound and fury
signifying nothing.
- Macbeth
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| tonight |
[11 Apr 2005|11:51pm] |
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you don't need to know my personal life. fuck off and die.
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| beautiful |
[09 Apr 2005|01:55am] |
just one kiss, and i'm alive.
i just got back from a drama festival competition thingy. i only stayed one night, because i had to come back to take the ACT's tomorrow morning. in about 5 hours. hah.
i have this huge rash all over my face, my wiener, and my arms. i dunno wtf it is. it pisses me off, though. my eye is swollen, and my penis itches like fuck.
on a lighter note, i get to go to prom with Vawn. i just have to tell her, now. she's my best friend, and it's been a long time since i've had a best friend. matt taylor doesn't count, because he's a shitty best friend. Vawn is
well, she just is. i sat for a moment, wondering how to describe her, but there really is no way to describe her without meeting her. she's a good person.
i started talking to belinda again. i don't know if it's in spite of kevin, or because i really like talking to her. we actually have something to talk about now (photography), which is pretty cool. but i can't help but get the feeling that i'm only trying to work my way in to destroy her relationship with kevin.
which would be fun, since he did the same to me.
however. i'm not a bastard, like he is. so maybe i'll just keep my distance.
this stupid lotion stuff stinks like shit. desitin, or something.
i saw this awesome play called "Too Much Light Makes The Baby Boy Blind"
it was a series of quick scenes, picked out of a hat of 30, and only 15 were done, because of time constraints.
i'll try to remember the scenes as best i can. i don't recall the order, but they were something like this.
- "Title"; a boy and girl sitting beside each other, talking to each other in quid-pro-quo, "question" "disgusted reply" "childish action" "even more disgusted reply". it was awesome.
- four men, talking about how great it is to be a white, young male. very sarcastic, and funny
- "King Lear" by Shakespeare, done in roughly 3 minutes. acts 1 and 2 were all "do you love me?" "nothing."; act 3, the guy walked into the audience, as if blind, and asked people if they loved him. for each "yes", he took off an article of clothing, until he was in his boxers. hilarious.
- "I Make The Weather"; a girl gets in a baby pool on tarp, and recites a poem about how she makes the weather, after dumping a bucket of water over her head and soaking the stage
- "No Tech! No Tech!"; only flashlights, they argue over why the tech isn't there, and everyone ends up pulling a gun on each other, until the lights kick in and everyone goes back to normal
- "Anything You Want"; people roam the stage, talk to the actors, take off shirts, talk on cell phones, and leave the theater for 2:45, and a black girl gives a count down
- "Things That Make You Cool"; no lights, three guys faces from flashlights in the middle of the stage. they say things like "Wearing Grateful Dead Paraphenilia Even Though You Don't Listen To Them", and "Dying Your Hair Black To Make You Look Serious". also hilarious.
- "Sands of Time"; don't really remember. some girl was messing with sand in a tub, and talking.
- "Deja Vu"; happened after "Title", where the same exact play is done that just happened, with the rest of the cast acting it out in the background
- some really hot girl got on stage and talked for a while about something. i don't remember what, but she was -hot-.
- "Revolutions"; pretty weird.. some girl and guy are standing, with one behind and to the side of the other, and they do like 5 scenes of them "breaking up". the dialogue was changed in each one, but it still ended up with her leaving him. pretty weird, but interesting to say the least.
those are all the ones i can remember.. there were some others. they did 15, but they had 30 to choose from. as soon as they do it at the Opera House in Charleston, i think i'll go and see it.
we drew the word "fuck" and a penis with a flashlight, on my camera with a 30 second shutter speed. it was neat, and turned out really well. then we sat up and sang every word to Tenacious D songs while falling asleep.
i met Maid Mary Anne, wtfever. from the Robin Hood play that was done. she was hot, and we were talking for a long time. then some guy came over and put his arm around her, like he was marking his territory. she sort of shrugged him off, but, meh. i don't like confrontation with people who have friends.
i also met a girl named Nicole, who was awesome. she had some blue slurpee, and was trying to shoot it out of her straw. it failed. but she was neat, anyway.
i met some girls from Nicholos County. they were pretty cool.
a few random guys. but guys aren't as cool as girls, therefore, you don't need to know.
i went to a stage fighting class with Ethan. we learned how to slap, punch, and kick each other in the face, without feeling a thing!
i joined some random frisbee game outside, and there were these guys playing behind us that really sucked. their frisbee hit into us a few times. we had like, 15 people playing or something. anyway, i'm turned around, trying to watch their frisbee to make sure it doesn't hit me, and as soon as i turn around, i get nailed in the face with the other one. it was funny as shit, and the girl who threw it was really hot, and was all apologizing and everything. it got a laughter, though, and i smiled and went along with it. neat-O, i say.
brittany feury is a whore. i can't stand even listening to her. oh, jesus. she asked me why i hated her, and i flat out told her. she's a fat whore who is too dramatic, thinks she'll be the next Oprah, tries to be like EVERYONE else, and she tries too hard. i can't even stand THINKING about her, ew. she's so.. FAT. and DISGUSTING. i was in Vawn's hotel room, waiting for her to get out of the shower so we could leave, and brittany comes in and is like.. "Adam, do you think I should wear this shirt to the dance, or not?", at which point she proceeded to REMOVE the top shirt, and show me the alternative shirt, which she thankfully was wearing already. i was so disgusted by the pounds of massive fat pouring over her 10x too small pants, that i told her she should wear the shirt, and find ANOTHER one, just to make sure no one has to go through what i just did.
she then painted her fucking fat toenails, like anyone is going to look at those and think they're PRETTY or something. and told me how she was meeting her friend who went to Marshall (the college we were at), and how she was going to have 6 1/2 hours of sex with him tomorrow (technically today, since it's now 2:24). he was equally disgusting. maybe they can have disgusting little children. how.. disgusting.
i was pissed at Vawn, i guess. i was mad because she kept talking about how many guys she had lined up dances with. i wasn't even able to go, because i had to come home, so i could take these stupid tests. i was laying on the bed, waiting for us to leave, and she laid over me. she kept talking about Ethan, who was probably my best male friend on the trip, and how she thought he was so cute.
i mean, yeah. she doesn't know that she's the only person i could stand having a relationship with, and that i want to so badly, but jesus. she knew i was upset. maybe she should have picked up the hint. maybe i should have given it more clearly.
this rash better fucking go away. i don't like it.
our play sucked, btw.
maynard isn't a Christian, after all.
blee ble-bleee that's all folks
one kiss, and i'm ready to die.
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| ready steady go |
[01 Apr 2005|12:18am] |
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just when you think everything is going great, you get hit with a huge blow.
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| rose |
[20 Mar 2005|04:32am] |
| [ |
music |
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i will sever the ties |
] |
i have one thing to say tonight, before i climb on to my bed and fall asleep.
i have a friend named Rose, that i've known since i was about 13. i met her in the SimCity chatroom, and we've kept in touch all these years. Rose is a different kind of girl. she was always the nicest person, and most devout Christian you could ever meet in your entire life. i never knew anyone like her, and she was unique in that aspect. she didn't curse, she didn't listen to "bad" music, she didn't even want a boyfriend.. she was quite, and by quite i mean EXTREMELY, unique.
i talked to her today for the first time in a very long time.. months, maybe even a year. after a little bit of small talk, i found out that she started drinking and cutting herself.
how fucked up is that?
i really looked to God for this answer. i wondered how the most innocent girl in the world, at the age of 14 now, could already be drinking and cutting herself.
this goes to show you.. society isn't what it used to be. maybe it never was any good, but it's getting worse now. people need to stop with what they're doing to this world. i'm sick of it, and the world should be sick of it. if people don't change, we're all going to create a very hard world for our kids to live in. if we even still have the right to have kids.
Rose, i really wish i would have been there for you. maybe i could have talked you out of it.
you're the nicest person in the world.
i'm sorry to see you go down that path.
goodnight.
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| mhmhm |
[20 Mar 2005|01:34am] |
mehzorz. well, now that everything is over, what is there to write about. again. HMMMMMMMM.
wow i need a topic. gimme one, please. i'll talk about it all day and all night, babeh. sorta like how i was banging your mom.
i just poured the milk out of a glass i had earlier, and put water in it, and surprisingly, the water tasted sort of like milk............................... i dunno how.
however, it was a kodak moment. i swear.
being allergic to milk, and being lactose intolerant, are two different things.
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| always. |
[16 Mar 2005|03:01pm] |
can anybody fly this thing?
before my head explodes.. before my head starts to ring?
we've been living life inside a bubble.
we've been living life inside a bubble.
i never really know what to say here any more. i get on thinking i'll spill my heart out, but it never ends up happening.
samantha and her lesbianism. what the fuck. 0 for 2, now. 0 for 2...
brit is a great person, and i love her a shitload.
chiara is back.
kayce isn't talking to me.
and still life is shit.
drama.meh.
nothing to say. north carolina might have a photography class, so i might go to the art institute there.
yey jesus.
made the playoffs and past the first round at DoD.
woot to that.
yeah.
everyone hates us though. i hate everything.everyone.ALLOFU.
you heard.
-fin
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[24 Feb 2005|09:17am] |
| [ |
music |
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Dave Matthews Band |
] |
life is somewhat peaceful now. things happen so fast, and problems are whizzing by my head. right now.. nothing's really bothering me. you just have to believe that one day, some place, you'll be happy again. look forward to that day. i do. it works.
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| 12 Fl Oz (355 mL) |
[09 Dec 2004|01:14am] |
there's not a whole lot to ramble on about tonight, i guess. i've started doing a -shitload- of photography. i realllllllllllllllllllllllllllly like it. i really awiehto aweio cweioht just love it. it's great. yeah, totally. go check out my page right now, ho's. you heard.
benny & joon is now my second favorite movie of all time. garden state, still running strong in spot #1.
god.. tonight was so great. friends are awesome. they totally make the worst days, feel great. for no reason at all. that's what they're there for, i suppose.
only one more week of english 101, and we're done done done. y3y with a 3! i can't wait. not that the class is hard, or anything. it just sucks, always being stressed about essays due, and always have monday nights taken up. even though i'm not doing anything on monday's, anyway. just a bad day to have the class.. it, being the first day of the working week, you know.
i'm not getting enough sleep.
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